Husbands and Wives, Woody’s 22nd turn behind the camera, is a terrible movie, on par with Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask*.

Maybe worse.

For one thing, this 1992 documentary-like film is the most foul-mouthed Woody Allen movie to date. Lots of F-words.

Lots. Of. F. Words.

For another, Husbands and Wives uses my most despised cinematic technique: hand-held camera work. It’s the most pretentious, pseudo-envelope-pushing gimmick in the book. Words can’t express how much I despise this way of filming a movie.

The ends result is a film that’s like seeing the world from a swift-moving roller coaster. Sloshes from side to side, extreme closeups, slow (or fast) zooms…It makes me nauseous.

I’ve walked out of movies with cinematography this shitty, and I’m likely to walk out of this one.

Finally, the subject matter of Husbands and Wives is the most acerbic, caustic, explicit, and bitter of any Woody Allen so far.

All together, here’s what I’m watching: An always-in-motion film about people (mostly married couoples) who are breaking up, sleeping with prostitutes, regretting their lives, etc.

This is a relationships movie on steroids – an ode to the worst relationships ever endured.

Mia Farrow is, once again, cast in a Woody Allen movie. Her hair is shorter than ever before, though, and she’s starting to look her age. But so is Woody. Suddenly, Wood Allen is old. He’s still stuttering, gesturing, and cracking jokes.

Here’s the poop on what the movie is about, from its entry on Wikipedia:

Husbands and Wives is a 1992 American comedy-drama film written and directed by Woody Allen. The film stars Allen, Mia Farrow, Sydney Pollack, Judy Davis, Juliette Lewis, Liam Neeson and Blythe Danner. It was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Judy Davis) and Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen (Woody Allen). The movie debuted around the same time as Allen and Farrow’s relationship ended because of his relationship with Soon Yi Previn. The movie is filmed by Carlo Di Palma with a handheld camera style and features documentary-like one-on-one interviews with the characters interspersed with the story.

Husbands and Wives was Allen’s first film as sole director for a studio other than United Artists or Orion Pictures (both now part of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer) since Take the Money and Run, namely TriStar Pictures (though he has acted in films that were released by other studios but were not directed by him).

Husbands and Wives is an on-the-nose movie that’s the evolutionary equivalent of a Cro-Magnon man.

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